Famous people say the darndest things!
Songs Music Lyrics
Lists of US Patents
Article Search
Most Recent Articles

What is the Meaning of Piercings?
Category:

Montreal executive apartments and corporate rentals
Category:

Publishing Your eZine - the Pros
Category:

Debt Consolidation Loan - Relief from Multiple Lenders and Repay...
Category:

Delhi Continues to be Investment Capital
Category:

Fast Same day unsecured loans: instant cash with instant process...
Category:

Who Really Needs to Have Goals
Category:

Home Improvement Loans: A Deal without Any Complication
Category:

5 Tips to Start an Affiliate Program for your Business - Part2
Category:

The Difference between a Deal and a Dream
Category:

Appreciating Rail History On A Daily Basis
Category:

Yoga - Benefits of Yoga
Category:

Small Business Ideas this Valentines Season
Category:

Your Family Values - Are You Walking Your Talk?
Category:

New York Governor Directs State Agencies to Recognize Gay Marria...
Category:

Play The Latest Free Games Online
Category:

Top 7 Tips To Treat And Prevent Foot Pain
Category:

Breast Enlargement Surgery
Category:

Generic Viagra – 100 % Solution for ED
Category:

Get Your Girl Back – How To Get My Ex Girlfriend Back Easily
Category:

Getting Genital Warts pictures, Information and Articles From th...
Category:

Glow Necklaces are Worth Purchasing
Category:

Nail Fungus - Getting to Know Your Enemy
Category:

How To Get Email Marketing Solutions ?
Category:

Vaccine Eliminates Allergy Symptoms
Category:

Opposition Calls Off Protests that Paralyzed Lebanon
Category:

How To Get A Girlfriend Back After Break Up - How Can I Get My G...
Category:

Small business loans for small business venture
Category:

How To Save Your Dating Relationship
Category:

How important is website design in SEO
Category:

Adsense: 3 Reasons Why Adsense Is Essential For Content Sites
Category:

Karma, Fate, Destiny, Spirituality & Relationships - Stay Marrie...
Category:

VoIP - WHAT IS IT AND HOW IT WORKS
Category:

Parkinson's Disease: Is Caffeine the Cure?
Category:

No Credit Check Payday Loans UK: When Chances of Availing Financ...
Category:

California's Deserts
Category:travel

How To Get Rid Of Acne Forever – Things You Can Do To Help
Category:

Georgia's Opposition Supporters Protest, Demand Recount
Category:

Hamas Breaks Up Protest in Gaza
Category:

Does your business need some extra cash? Have you thought about ...
Category:

How to Use Visualization to Build Strength and Muscle Mass
Category:

Some Simple Steps to Make Money Online
Category:

Capitol Security Breach Prompts New Review of Procedures
Category:

Factors You May Want To Think About Before Actually Buying...
Category:

How to Make Money - Five Things to Remember to Succeed
Category:

Credit Repair - 5 Steps You Can Take To Fix Bad Credit
Category:

Places You Can Visit While Dating In Florida
Category:

Massage and Massage Therapy: I’ll be blunt!
Category:

Bloom Syndrome – Causes, Treatment and Diagnosis
Category:

Mortgage Buyers
Category:

Motorcycle Helmet Laws in Florida
Category:

Must Know Insurance Saving Tips and FAQ
Category:

The Art and Science Of Comparison...Stock Research As If You Wer...
Category:

No Credit Check Loans Online: Fast, Convenient Loans for Everyon...
Category:

Online Debt Consolidation Loans
Category:

Online Marketing Payday Loans: Confidential way to get the urgen...
Category:

Payday Loans - Informal FAQ
Category:

Playing Online Gambling Casino Using Online Casino Gambling Reso...
Category:

Pool Table Lights
Category:

Barbecue Recipe - Adding favorite ingredients To It.
Category:

Disney World Tickets to Discover Jurassic Park and Discovery Cov...
Category:

Is There Anything Like The Best Acne Treatment For Rosacea?
Category:

Making High Quality Brochures for the Holidays
Category:

Typical RV Insurance Quotes
Category:

Unique Wedding and Anniversary Gifts
Category:

Dealing With Anxiety When You Are About to Take Your Drivers Tes...
Category:

China Leads Chorus of Condemnation of North Korean Nuclear Test
Category:

The Rise In The Natural Organic Food Market
Category:

US Diplomat in Africa Focuses on Peace in Sudan's Darfur Region
Category:

Diabetic Foot – Symptoms, Causes and Treatment
Category:

HUMMER Consumer Electronics: a partnership with ModeLabs Group
Category:

Pearl Jewelry - Mother Nature's Jewel
Category:

Forex Trading - These Traders Make Millions after Just 14 Days S...
Category:

Reiki as an Alternative Healing Process
Category:

Airline Reservation: Travel at Low Airfares
Category:

Finding Work From Home Employment
Category:

Burglar Alarm
Category:

Professional Website Design and Development: The Meaning
Category:

Rising Rates Prompt the Switch to Dish Network
Category:

Hobby Or Business
Category:

6 Proven Ways to Fill Your Teleseminars
Category:

Jewelry Gifts for Bridesmaids
Category:

Top Ten Tips for Lazy Dieters
Category:

Car Of The Future Created By Toyota
Category:

Top 7 Tips To Dine At The Restaurant The Low-Fat Way
Category:

Proper Vinyl Banner Installation Tips
Category:

Yellow pages India is your perfect guide for the country
Category:

Singles Dating Site! What You Need To Know
Category:

What is Infertility?
Category:

Cisco CCNP / BSCI Exam Tutorial: Introduction To Policy Routing
Category:

Know about Abrasions Treatment
Category:

Baby Showers
Category:

Zimbabwe Government Provides Money for Wheat
Category:

No Cosigner Student Loans:- To Run Your Education Smoothly
Category:

Alaska Cruising
Category:

Free and Easy Links
Category:

Financial freedom guide book
Category:

The Quickest Ways to Build Muscles
Category:

Thailand
Category:

Sydney, Melbourne & Brisbane
Category:

Online Wagering Strategies
Category:

Stay in the UK, have a holiday in Surrey
Category:

BMW Sauber Completes Practice Session for Monaco Grand Prix
Category:

Take a Class in French for Beginners
Category:

Information on Lupus Disease
Category:

Showing Your Father He is Special
Category:

Credit counseling and its effects
Category:

Information on Ovarian Cysts
Category:

Mazda: Zooming its Way to the Top
Category:

Blackheads – Easiest Way to Dispose of Blackheads
Category:

Gift Ideas For That Special Occasion
Category:

VoIP Providers: An Intriguing Trail
Category:

Web Design Consultancy Services - Choosing the Right Firm
Category:

A Trip to San Diego, California
Category:

Gastroenteritis – Information on Gastroenteritis
Category:

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
Category:

Profits Of Google Adsense
Category:

Best Ways to Get Rid of Puffy Eyes
Category:

Quick Same Day Loans: If "Now" Is When You Want Cash
Category:

Choosing The Most Suitable Car Springs
Category:

Cisco CCNA Exam Tutorial: IGRP And Equal Cost Load Balancing
Category:

Tips to Get Flawless Skin
Category:

Choose the Right Type Of Kitchen Cabinets
Category:

Why High Cholesterol (And High Choline) Foods May Be Good For Yo...
Category:

Ways To Make Money Online
Category:

Instant Cash Loans: Worry Free Finance To Resolve Emergencies
Category:

A Look at Casino Slot Machines
Category:

A Powerful Change Skill - Acceptance
Category:

Old Wives Tales in Pregnancy - What Should You Believe?
Category:

Parity helps CPM cut the jargon with the launch of a new e-recru...
Category:

Summer Learning - Top 5 Tips
Category:

BUDGET Is Not A Dirty Word
Category:

Affiliate Programs- The Easiest Internet Home Based Business
Category:

Get The Best Display With LCDs
Category:

Alleviate your financial load with Christian debt reduction
Category:

Ways to get rid of Sprains
Category:

How can you communicate with actual buyers?
Category:

Information on Chagas Disease
Category:

Anti Wrinkle Eye Cream
Category:

Horse Racing Action and Racebooks
Category:

Loans for people on benefit-Avail fastest and convenient cash to...
Category:

Cash advance as a loan source
Category:

Basics of Forex and Fx Trading
Category:

Search Engine Optimization: 10 Ways to get Your Sites 'Slapped' ...
Category:

Are you chronically dehydrated?
Category:

Get Rid Of Plantar Warts
Category:

Basic Facts About Essential Oils
Category:

Top Volkswagen executives on trial
Category:

The Perfect Wealth Guide To Wealth Magnet Success
Category:

Avoid Being a Deadbeat by Eliminating Your Debt
Category:

Potential and Beneficial: Basics of Currency trading in Forex...
Category:

Property Tax Attorneys
Category:

Bad Breath And How To Tell If You Have It!
Category:

Viral E-Books
Category:

How About A No Starve Diet?
Category:

AIT Technologies to Your Rescue
Category:

Tips For Making An Offer On A Property
Category:

Borrowing money in the United Kingdom is not difficult.
Category:

Forex Trading Robots - Making Automatic Forex Profits With the B...
Category:

Seven Mistakes People Make When Networking Online
Category:

Affiliate Programs: So Many Affiliate Programs! Which One Do I C...
Category:

Drowning in Debt! Why not think about debt consolidation?
Category:

Cash Loans for Unemployed: to Meet the Unexpected Needs of the U...
Category:

IVA: When Bankruptcy Is The Only Other Option You Have
Category:

Teach English In Korea and You Won't Regret it
Category:

How Do I Know That My Child Is Suffering From Infant Acid ...
Category:

Equity Release : Your Friendly Scheme In Your Hard Times
Category:

Traveling with Diabetes
Category:

Custom Trade Show Displays
Category:

The Power of Publicity: Finding Your Media Niche
Category:

How To Choose The Best Domain And Web Hosting Package
Category:

Nokia N95 !- Great phone
Category:

Strapped for Cash? 7 Ways to Have a Sale Today
Category:

Cash Advance: Advance Cash - Quick Easy and Costly
Category:

Supplements for joint pain
Category:

Web	LinkGrinder.com

Top Breaking News
     Greek, Cypriot Leaders Resume Unification Talks in Nicosia by Nathan Morley
     Indonesia Tobacco Sales Grow, Raising Health Fears
     South Korea Allows Top Defector to Travel Overseas by VOA News

Why Do People Lie?

relationships, self improvement, lying, personal growth, conflict resolution, relationship help and advice

Category: World News
This article is brought to you by The Inner Bonding Journal and Amazines.com.
Submit your Articles Here!

The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com

Title: Why Do People Lie? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 728 Category: Relationships

Why Do People lie? Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Amanda and Ron had been married for six years and had two small children. I had counseled them during some difficult times in their marriage, but had not heard from them for a while. Then Amanda scheduled an emergency phone session with me. She was very upset.

“I just found out that Ron’s been watching porno on the Internet and lying to me about it. I had thought this was going on a couple of weeks ago because of a site I found on the computer, but when I asked him about it, he denied it and explained it away. He is not too computer savvy – he doesn’t know how to delete the sites - and today I found a number of sites he has visited. I can’t believe this! I’m very upset about the porno, but I’m devastated that he lied to me! I feel like the trust has gone out of our marriage, and without trust, what do we have? Why did he lie to me?”

“Amanda, how would you have responded if he had told you the truth?”

“I would have been really upset and disappointed in him. I probably would have gotten angry. We have a good sex life, so why is he using porno?”

“Well, he lied to you because he knew that this is the way you would have reacted. His lying is his way of controlling your reactions, and your anger is your way of controlling his behavior. As long as you get angry when you hear the truth, the chances are he will lie to you. As your children get older, they, too, will lie to you to avoid your anger and judgment. It takes a very strong person to tell the truth and deal with another’s anger and judgment, and Ron is not that strong. He is very afraid of your anger and judgment and will do anything to avoid it, including lying.”

“Are you saying it’s okay for him to lie to me?”

“No, I’m not saying it’s okay or not okay. I’m not making a value judgment about it. You asked why he’s lying and I’m telling you why. Lying is just another form of protection against pain, just as your anger is a form of protection against pain.”

“So what do I do? How do I deal with this?”

“Amanda, you need to shift your intention from trying to control him to being open to learning about what is behind his behavior. From his point of view, there are some important reasons why he is using porno, and why he is lying about it. Trying to control him will only result in more lying and resistance, but wanting to learn can result in understanding and resolution. You need to approach him with caring and a desire to learn rather than with anger and judgment – about both the porno and the lying. You would need to say something like, ‘Ron, I know that you have been going to porno sites on the Internet. Please don’t lie about it anymore. I know there must be some good reasons you are doing this and I really want to understand what it’s about for you.’ However, you have to be aware that the words themselves are less important than the intent behind them. If you say these same words with anger and judgment, he will be defensive. Don’t ask until you feel genuinely open and caring.”

Lying is always a form of control. Some people are pathological liars, having learned that they get a rush from manipulating others with lies. But most people lie when they are afraid of the consequences of telling the truth. Lying may be one end of a relationship system, with anger and judgment on the other end. Whether the relationship is a primary one between mates or between parents and children, or a relationship between friends or between co-workers, lying may be a part of it when fear of anger and judgment is an issue. Most people do not know how to handle another’s anger and judgment and may revert to being the child they were when they learned to lie to their parents to avoid punishment.

If you want to trust that people are not going to lie to you, then you need to shift your intention in your relationships from controlling to learning.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.

Return to Last Page

Homepage
Articles
DVD's
Member Login
Add Your Link
Edit Your Link
Contact Us
Image Hosting
Advertising
Disclaimer

Auctions - eBooks - Maps - Banner Links - Software - Weather - Music - Movies - TV

	Add Your Site · Terms Of Service · Privacy Policy

DISCLAIMER

	Follow The Bill is a free service that searches the Internet and indexes all files found so that you may search quickly and easily for shared files. These files are created and made available individually by users whose identity we are not aware of and who we have no control over. In essence we function like a search engine tool; these files ARE NOT STORED OR SERVED BY OUR NETWORK. We are not responsible for any materials obtained by using our service. We do not monitor any of the contents of these files. These files may contain viruses, illegal materials, materials inappropriate for minors, offensive files and the like. BY USING OUR SERVICE, YOU ASSUME FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR DOWNLOADING THESE MATERIALS AND WILL INDEMNIFY US FOR ANY DAMAGES THAT MAY BE INCURRED. For More Specific Information VIEW OUR TERMS OF SERVICE. Thank you and Enjoy!