Top Breaking News
     Greek, Cypriot Leaders Resume Unification Talks in Nicosia by Nathan Morley
     Indonesia Tobacco Sales Grow, Raising Health Fears
     South Korea Allows Top Defector to Travel Overseas by VOA News

Controllable Destiny ... Setting a Destination and Experiencing the Ride

The many ideas of "living life" are the most indistinctly defined conundrums
that a human being can ponder.

The many ideas of "living life" are the most indistinctly defined conundrums
that a human being can ponder. Philosophy has its own definitions of life
and living. Of course, so do religions, corporations, politicians, and
every diverse group on the planet. Some of the looser definitions I hear
from many people include:

- Life is ruled by destiny.
- Life is ruled by fate.
- We all live by a Universal Plan.
- Only God knows.

In general, many people believe that their lives are already set and that
they should accept the paths and destinations placed before them. But, the
few that believe that life is what you make of it are the ones that
understand that there is no absolute definition for life and living.

--- Belief Systems ---

In every case, you identify paths in your life based on your own personal
"belief system." This system is who you are and what makes you do the
things you do. It is your conscience, your ego, your little devil ... you!
Everything you do in life is based on at least one of your core beliefs.
But, when you do step outside of that lifelong foundation, you may feel
frightened, uncomfortable, and generally lost.

I do believe in a God, a greater existence above us all, but life has taught
me that there are no controlling entities that have absolute plans laid out
for each of us. I would have to say that one's direction is chosen by none,
and by all. Our destinies are not chosen at birth, but are poured into us
as we grow and every action we take affects others as much as the actions of
others affect us.

We choose our destination in life based on our beliefs. We feel as though
our destinations are predetermined because we know what we "must" do to
satisfy those beliefs. When we grow to reach the boundaries of that belief
system, we become dissatisfied because we can see where we want to go, but
can't get there with our current beliefs. It is at that time that we must
decide to either take the leap into the unknown, or stay where we are
because it is safe and known.

--- Destiny vs. Destination ---

Destiny, by definition, is the idea of "what may happen in the future." For
most, it is the acceptance that we have a predetermined destiny and we
should not fight the path on which we are placed. Destination, by
definition, is the act of "aiming for a certain position; a place." For
some, a destination is the ultimate place that we want to be at the end of a
given journey---a chosen place at the end of a path.

The idea of allowing destiny to choose your direction in life is the easiest
way to live. It guarantees that you will encounter little resistance and be
able to live a constant life from beginning to end. You merely experience
the day-to-day problems of living an existence.

However, destiny is only the idea of what "may" happen in the future. It is
not a set future, but one that you choose to accept as an absolute.
Accepting destiny usually occurs when one either does not know how to choose
a destination in their life or when one is so overwhelmed by their life that
they don't have time, or are afraid, to choose.

To move forward, one must pick a destination, and work to get there. This
is not an easy task as our own beliefs, disbeliefs, overwhelming situations,
and lack of understanding cloud us all. It is not the abandonment of a
belief system, it is the enhancement of our existing system through growth
and knowledge that brings about change. We must first clear ourselves and
understand our blocks and our goals so that we can view a better picture of
what we can do for ourselves.

--- Choosing a Destination ---

To choose a destination, you must know what you want. Many times, people
select their paths based on their current state and beliefs in their lives.
This tends to push them right back into the same, or similar, situations
that they are in at the time they decide to make a change. This usually
occurs out of fear of looking outside of their "comfort zones" and
environment.

Comfort zones are unusual places in which to exist. Such zones can create
apathy and lethargy and keep one from moving beyond current situations. The
lack of movement is because the person has become comfortable with a
particular situation in their life and is able to, somewhat, control the
situation. Even if the situation is torturous and stressful, it is
familiar, and if the person feels control or comfort, they will resist
change and stay there.

It is important that, when trying to determine a destination, you think of
the things that are important to you, overall. Not just now, but in the
"long run" of your life. Ask yourself such questions as:

- Where do I want to be?
- What do I want to do?
- What is important to me?

In the days of the wagon trains, "ruts" were created in the ground by
continual traffic over one path. In life, a rut is caused by continual
travel between the same places in your existence. In examining the
questions in detail, you can eventually define a destination outside of your
current situation and break out of any ruts that might keep you moving along
the same paths.

--- Headin' Down the Highway ---

Once you go through the process of picking a destination, you have to head
in the general direction to reach that destination. It's like driving down
a highway. If you're driving down I-10 West, you have a choice to make. Do
you go to Las Vegas or Los Angeles? If the chosen destination is Las Vegas,
take the I-40 exit then head North on various highways. If you choose Los
Angeles, take I-10 all the way in through Needles. The point is, you chose
the destination, but along that path, you will experience different terrain,
decisions, and changes before you reach that destination.

In some cases, the path is treacherous, hot, and muggy and you twinge at the
expectation that the destination will be a living hell, when in fact, the
destination is an oasis of more than you could have ever hoped. In other
cases, the path is easy, yet the destination is a wild, hot, and crowded
place that may not meet your expectations. Whatever the assumed outcome,
make changes to accommodate yourself, but stay the course.

Realize that once you pick a destination in life, you will have to figure
out how to get there. Every destination has a different path with different
"obstacles." These obstacles, however, are helpful "classes" in preparing
you for your ultimate destination. You can plan for some of these classes
by simply examining what it will take to reach your destination. You must
set your goals, vision, and mission before you can understand the challenges
that must be overcome to reach your ultimate destination. It's sometimes a
difficult task, but it can be done.

--- Pie in the Sky ---

I remember being told so many times that my vision of my life was "pie in
the sky." I never cared, and kept on plodding---into failure. But, it
wasn't until I began to manage my expectations that I was able to reach my
lofty destinations with success. Picking a destination that is far beyond
your immediate reach can lead to disappointment and frustration. Failure
leads to more failure and eventually, complete surrender.

I'm not telling you to give up on your lofty goals, I'm telling you to slow
down and take a good look at where you're going. You must learn how to
break your dreams into smaller pieces. Take only pieces of the pie instead
of the whole thing at one time. If you conquer one piece, you're that much
closer to your ultimate vision. Conquer one piece at a time and learn as
you go. It not only makes you smarter and stronger, but it will also give
you a better chance of conquering the next leg of your journey to reach
that, originally, lofty goal.

--- What's next? ---

We do have a controllable destiny, but we have to learn what it is that is
keeping us from satisfying our desires and reaching our chosen destination.
This destination must be earned by researching the path it takes to get you
there. This is where you must come to understand your belief system and how
to make it grow to accommodate your goals.

So many people allow apathy to control their lives. They wait for their
destinies to come to them. In some cases, they call it "allowing God to
guide" them when, in fact, "He" is within us all allowing us to chose and
move in whichever direction we desire. If you still feel like God and the
Universe has a plan for your life, and you really don't want to try to step
out of your situation to move toward a better life, just remember:

"God helps those who help themselves."

About the Author

Edward B. Toupin is a writer and Life Coach living in the Entertainment
Capital of the World. He works with individuals to help them realize their
potential and establish the directions that will bring them the most
fulfillment.